The one thing that will rob you of your life
Today's post is about the one thing that will rob you of your life. Although right now, the pandemic has placed us in actual physical danger, there's something else. Something that I think is more dangerous. It actually predates the corona virus and most other illnesses. Although this one thing is ubiquitous in our and every society, no one really talks about it. And even if they do talk about it, it's always in a trivial way. As if this thing is reserved for others and not really an issue that affects almost all of us.
So what is this one thing that will rob you of your life?
Anxiety is your worst enemy. Because of anxiety, you'll only ever manage to live, if you are lucky, half the life you are meant to live (not length wise but quality wise).
But what is anxiety?
According to Healthline:
Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress. It’s a feeling of fear or apprehension about what’s to come. (( https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety#:~:text=Anxiety%20is%20your%20body's%20natural,to%20feel%20fearful%20and%20nervous))
Anxiety is a feeling of unease, such as worry or fear, that can be mild or severe. (( https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/generalised-anxiety-disorder/))
NHS
Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure. (( https://www.apa.org/topics/anxiety/))
American Psychology Association
So from the above explanations we learn that, firstly, anxiety is a natural response, therefore it is a normal response. Secondly, anxiety is not just a psychological issue, it is also a physiological and behavioural issue. Which means that it affects your body and how you behave (( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181681/#:~:text=Anxiety%20is%20a%20psychological%2C%20physiological,activation%2C%20and%20specific%20behavior%20patterns)). Thirdly, it is a response to something. And finally, it is on a spectrum. It can be mild up to severe. Which means you can still function well, as if nothing is wrong at all or it can be very debilitating and affect your day to day life.
Caution: if you have severe anxiety that has been on going for the past 6 months, get in touch with your doctor. Talk to him/her/them about it. The advice below is for mild to moderate anxiety sufferers.
Anxiety is not necessarily bad...in fact it can be very good for you
Often times, we automatically think that anxiety is bad. But is not always the case. According to the NCBI, anxiety is beneficial for coping with unexpected or adverse situations (( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181681/#:~:text=Anxiety%20is%20a%20psychological%2C%20physiological,activation%2C%20and%20specific%20behavior%20patterns)). When you are faced with a dangerous situation such as encountering a wild animal (if you are in Botswana), seeing a car driving towards you at full speed etc, your neuroendocrine system is activated. This just means that adrenaline is realised so you are super alert. Your blood pressure increases to help pump blood quickly and get you the oxygen you need to take action. All these changes give you a better chance of surviving the situation.
... think about when you are taking a risk
When you are taking a risk like quitting your job to finally follow your dreams. Or maybe you have decided to invest in the stock market. Perhaps, you want to ask that girl or guy out...finally. A little bit of anxiety will help you, one, not do the most and lose all your life savings, or act a fool. Secondly, it excites you to actually take that risk. It's also a good sign that you are breaking some kind of ceiling/barrier you have had in your life. So ultimately, anxiety is not always bad. It can be good for you.
So what is the problem?
The problem is when anxiety becomes unmanageable. Or when the anxiety is disproportionate to what you are actually experiencing. Instead of it helping you push yourself, it hinders you from taking action. And most of the time, we get the most anxious, when we care a bit too much about something. Or when we have had a traumatic experience with a specific thing.
Anxiety almost robbed me of my life
...don't let it rob you of your life
I believe that anxiety is the one thing that will rob you of your life because it almost robbed me of mine. Since I was a young girl, my number one passion was music. I sang and wrote songs ALL the time. I started singing when I was about three or less (so I am told). And then I sang in our school choral choir from eight years old. My family is very musical. My mother is actually a music teacher and choir conductor. So I have always been surrounded by music and loved music. But the thing about my singing voice and song writing skills is that I wasn't necessarily born with them. I had to practise and practise.
But because I cared way too much, I became very anxious when it came to music. Especially because my voice was nothing special in comparison with some of the singers I knew. There goes that comparison disease. So I began to shrink. But I still wrote. And people would tell me I sounded fantastic but I never felt good enough. So when I sang in public I couldn't breath properly or even sing in a high key. I didn't deal with the anxiety in the first instance so it just grew and became my modus operandi. And so I went on a roller coaster journey.
How anxiety affected my behaviour
The thing is, you can tell that you are anxious about a certain area of your life by the decisions you make. Although I loved music the most, I did everything but music. In my first church, I was an usher and not part of the praise and worship team. I had the choice to study anything in the world, but I chose to study acting and not music. After my undergrad, I could have studied music. But I studied marketing. So I avoided music at all costs because I felt stupid and inadequate.
It's worth mentioning that I am a big dreamer and have the craziest work ethic. So the reason I felt like I wasn't good enough is because I was aiming for the big stage. I wanted to be a international superstar like Beyonce and Rihanna. Not a wedding singer. Nothing wrong with being a wedding singer by the way. It's just that it wasn't for me. But I was scared of going after my dreams because I thought I would become a starving artist. Which I am now by the way (haha). Fear held me back a lot.
How can anxiety rob you of your life?
I don't know about you but I believe in purpose. That inside of you, there is a fierce desire to do something. That thing is very specific and unique to you. But when you throw anxiety into the mix, the desire to do the thing you have always wanted to do becomes tainted. So you hide, suffer, become inauthentic, compare, run, pretend... the list is endless. But the main point is that you live someone else's life, not your own.
You are a one time phenomenon in the universe
Robert Green
I would like you to pause on this quote and think about it. Meditate on it. Say it out loud to yourself. I am a one time phenomenon in the universe. Do you know how profound that is? This means that there has never been anyone like you. There isn't anyone like you. And there will never be anyone like you. People say, you are one in a million type of girl, girls like you are a dime a dozen etc. But that is all nonsense. You are not even a once in a lifetime. YOU ARE A ONE TIME PHENOMENON. And so your gifts and your purpose is unique. If you allow anxiety in, you become a counterfeit out of fear of showing your real self. I know this because I have been a fraud for almost my whole adult life.
Do you want to know what your purpose is?
I challenge you to revisit your childhood. What were you obsessed with/about as a child? What childhood dream did you rubbish when you became an adult. Maybe you thought, no it will never happen, especially not for someone like me. Or maybe, I am not from this background so I have to do that instead of this. I have a family to feed. I should be realistic. The list of excuses is endless. Although it might seem like there's nothing wrong with doing something that isn't really what your spirit is crying out for, there is. You are, firstly, cheating yourself of a chance to live up to your full potentially, authentically. But, secondly, you are robbing the world (all of creation and not just people) of a chance to experience you.
Anxiety is the one thing that will rob you of your life
As I conclude this post, I reiterate that anxiety is the one thing that will rob you of your life. I know this because I have experienced it. At the root of unhealthy anxiety is fear. Fear of inadequacy. Maybe fear of rejection, the unknown. And whatever is born of fear is not good. Don't let fear dictate your life and stop you from stepping your purpose.
How to manage anxiety
- See the positive in everything before you see the negative
- Acknowledge negativity but do not dwell on it
- Journal. A lot of us don't know ourselves because we don't spend enough time with ourselves. The best way to spend time with yourself is to journal. Write down your thoughts. This will expose patterns of thinking that might not be conducive.
- Keep a gratitude journal. I wrote a post on this last week, you can find it here https://www.lorraine-moalosi.com/celebrating-a-100-days-of-gratitude-with-presently/
- Remember that you are unique and so it's ok to be different. Being different is a good sign that you are being yourself.
- Exercise
- Eat well
- Keep the right company - people who will feed life and energy into you and not drain you.
- Be honest with yourself, honesty is the best policy even between you and yourself
- Develop a spiritual practice - I believe that anxiety is more spiritual than we think. Hopefully I will get to this at some point and write a full post on it.
- Don't run away from anxiety, confront it
- Get some perspective - differentiate facts from opinions and from emotions. Most of the time, anxiety is all in our head. Sift through everything and get to the bottom line of why you are anxious.
- Take you time, Rome wasn't built in one day. So you won't be over anxiety at the snap of a finger
- Get help. If you think that your anxiety is unmanageable, get help!
People to talk to in Ireland
If you have struggling to cope on your own, maybe it's time to get in touch with someone who knows more about anxiety than you do. There is no shame in getting help. Actually, getting help is the ultimate form of self love!
- Text about it 50808 (( https://text50808.ie/get-help?gclid=CjwKCAjwydP5BRBREiwA-qrCGrkIFeUL_rf0edqUmYQuEkI-s6M87gUo90B1pkKnqsLCHvQ1hXYOTBoC-qEQAvD_BwE))
- Aware (( https://www.aware.ie/information/anxiety/))
- Mental health Ireland (( https://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/need-help-now/))
- VHI (( https://www.vhi.ie/digitalhealthservices?gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAjwydP5BRBREiwA-qrCGuPoqiOIXcXju_1NSXGKzoNvzThTJdhH79aPNHRJm48pdSsryQ_G2BoCoPEQAvD_BwE))
If you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading this post. I wish you all the best on your journey. Please feel free for to get in touch if you want to have a conversation. Have a blessed week!!
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