13 habits that've changed my life drastically
The following 13 habits have changed my life drastically. The tittle 13 habits that've changed my life drastically is not click bait! I am a changed woman. I had to have better habits out of necessity not just to 'spice up' my life. The habits I had before weren't horrible but they weren't the best for my health either. We human beings are creatures of habit (( https://www.npr.org/sections/13.7/2010/09/22/130051236/the-habitual-brain?t=1587388748233)) (( https://www.creativepersonnel.co.uk/blog/2017/04/why-are-we-creatures-of-habit)). Habits can either make us or break us. They can either improve our lives or make them worse. So to optimise my days, to increase my energy and vitality I had to change a few habits.
Following the death of a loved one, I had the most debilitating flare up of IBS that I have ever had in my life. I ended up having to see a doctor for this because I was barely functioning. I tried a few things but long story short, I had to overhaul my whole lifestyle. So without further ado here are 13 habits that've changed my life drastically. I will also put in how they have changed my life.
P.S: some of these I have only been doing for about a week and I have already seen a massive difference.
MEDITATION
Of all the 13 habits that've changed my life drastically, this one is the one I credit the most for its effectiveness. It all started with listening to Marisa Peer, who is a renowned psychotherapist. I can't remember why I started listening to her but I am very grateful that I did. You can find out more about her here: https://marisapeer.com/. She was talking about how our mind wants to please us by doing what we tell it to do. And by always going back to the familiar. It was at this point that I realised that a lot of things that were familiar to me were not good. For example, I always saw the annoying habits people had before their good attributes. This became a familiar thing that I did all the time.
Why I started meditating
My journey of trying to be more positive led me to the discovery that I treat people how I treat myself. And that to be more forgiving and kinder to others, I had to do it for myself first. To get to know myself better, I had to spend time with myself and I did this through meditation. I started reading books, blogs and articles about self love too. In sum, all my sources unanimously agreed that you get what you put out. I was tired of the negativity that was in my mind. And on several occasions I had actually balled my eyes out.
I was ready for change because of how sick I was of my own thoughts. There was no way that the whole world was bad and I was the only good thing in it. To think that that was my subconscious thinking for most of my life is crazy. So I was ready for change. And to break the cycle of the toxicity in my brain, meditation was key. Firstly, I started positively affirming myself and guess what! I therefore began to positively affirm others. Then, I started to accept my quirkiness, likes and dislikes. And that made me accept others' quirkiness too. Thereafter, I started acknowledging my insecurities and accepting the things that scared me. In turn, I did the same for others.
What has been the outcome?
- My attitude towards others has changed so much. For example, I realise that our vantage points of interpreting life are different. Therefore, we cannot think the same or behave the same.
- My expectations of people have changed too. For instance, I always behaved like people could read my mind and would behave the way I needed them too. But I have started communicating my expectations and negotiating them with my loved ones.
- Because I realise how scared and flawed I am, under certain circumstances, I have begun to give people the benefit of the doubt. Because other people are scared and flawed too. Now this is not automatic yet because I have only been doing this for about two weeks.
- I am much calmer and in control of my feelings.
- I believe I have become less dependent on people emotionally. So I am quite autonomous now.
- The fact that life is a gift and a blessing that I currently have, has sobered me up tremendously. I now go through life with excitement.
ASKING MYSELF 'WHY'
I learnt to be a people pleaser from a very young age. I was bullied throughout school so I learnt to crave acceptance. So I would do things that I didn't necessarily want to do. Just so I could please others. During my quest to understand myself, I stumbled on the book The Art of Non-conformity. It's written by author Chris Guillebeau. find out more here: https://chrisguillebeau.com/. Another essential tool was Jon and Misty Butcher's lifebook, which you can find out more about here: https://www.mindvalley.com/lifebook/?utm_source=google. All three authors made me realise how important it is to ask myself what I want and why I want it.
For example, say you wanted to go out. The answer to what do you want may seem obvious but it is not. If the answer is, I simply want to go out. The second question then is, why? Sometimes it might be because you genuinely want to, but other times the answer might be different. It might be because you want to fit in, you want to get someone to like you. Or you don't know what to do with your time.
And most times, we do things because they are familiar. They are our norm. So when we investigate our thoughts and actions we find out more about our motivations. And if the motivations are pure, that is, they are genuinely for you, then go for it. But if the motivations are bit sinister or not loving, we can confront them. So the answer could be, I want to feel accepted so that's why I am going out. Ask yourself 'why'?
BEING INTENTIONAL WITH MY TIME
Time is our most precious commodity yet we do not value it. I have wasted so much time in my life! Streaming too many movies, Netflix, people who don't have my best interest at heart, you name it! Of all the 13 habits that've changed my life drastically, this is one is the one I want you to value the most. Our time on earth is very limited as we can see in this pandemic. To love yourself is to value your time. You can quote me. Here are some questions to ask yourself regarding your time management:
- Is this the best way I could be spending my time? If so, why?
- Do I really need/want to do this now, for myself or to help others?
- How much time do I spend watching TV, on social media, working for someone else, doing things I hate etc? What does that work out to per week and am I happy with that? If so or not, why?
- If I, God forbid, died tomorrow, what will I regret? What will I not regret?
- Lastly but most importantly, someone said 'live everyday like it's your last because one day it will be'. I unfortunately don't know who the original speaker was. But that right there hit me hard. I am still not sure I have actually accepted this. One day your time and my time will come. We don't know when, where, how and why but it will. So why not live everyday to it's fullest. So ask yourself, what to do I need to do today to live the day to it's fullest?
P.S as you read these habits, read them as a whole and not in isolation. They all feed into one another.
A REGULAR SLEEP SCHEDULE
Now this is probably the most important but it has also been the most difficult to do. I go to bed at 2200 hrs and wake up at 0600 hrs daily. You would think the waking up would be the hardest part but oh no! Going to bed that early is the hardest thing EVER for me because if I could, I would stay up all the time. 24/7, 365. So when I wind down in bed with the lights off, no mobile phone at 2130 hrs, it's not fun. Why do you do it then if you don't like it, you might ask. Because this is the better schedule for me compared with the reverse. I can't stay asleep when the sun is out especially because I have white curtains. So if I went to bed late, I would still wake up early. Therefore, not getting enough sleep.
I usually use these tools to wind down https://www.lorraine-moalosi.com/top-5-tools-for-meditation-during-the-pandemic/. This habit is so effective I have already started noticing the difference even though I have been practising for about a week. Here are the changes I have noticed:
- I always woke up tired before but now I suddenly feel rested and re-energized.
- I felt dazed before, like I was there but not really present. This was so disconcerting because I didn't know how to really step into reality.
- Although the changes in my stomach haven't been radical, I feel like my stomach is calming down some.
- Having a sleep schedule has also helped me manage my time better. We will talk about this in detail a bit later on in this post.
TAKING SUPPLEMENTS
This has been a life saver for me. I was deficient in Vitamin D so I had the mother of all flues. These aren't meant to be substitutes for a balanced diet and they will say so in their packaging. But they do give you that extra boost. Before I had the sleep schedule and before I ever thought to meditate, I was taking supplements. And they helped boost my energy, immune system, mood and overall performance. I still continue to take them today. I did so after consulting with a doctor and so should you. These give me peace of mind. Vitamin C especially because before I started taking it, I was constantly sick. I once turned up to the eye doctor with a swollen eye. And it turned my immune system had weakened after fighting the flu.
I only take about four but if you are Naomi Campbell, you take a million (haha). If you don't know what I am talking about, there you are https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg_MOYfDsYQ.
SAVE A SET AMOUNT PER MONTH
Financial literacy statistics don't speak favourably about our aggregate behaviour (( https://financialwolves.com/financial-statistics/)). Although the stats I looked at were about America, I saw myself in most of them. For example, I have been a bad saver and have lived pay check to pay check for a while. I had a store credit card that I forgot to pay off but thankfully, it didn't accumulate lots of interest. Previously, I only saved for big things. For instance, I saved a lot of money to finance my stay in Austria, to pay my medical insurance for university, to buy a laptop etc. Nothing long term at all. And it is actually startling and shocking to see how a woman who is not poor by any means can be so reckless about her future. Consumerism is a disease that a lot of us don't even know we are battling.
So I made the decision to save a set amount per month. This was helped in part by seeing a financial adviser at my local bank. How financially literate are you? How much do you save compared to how much you spend? Making a lot of money but burning through it is a sign of financial illiteracy. But in the defence of the masses, public school does not teach us enough about money. How much do you know about investing? This is a huge topic that I will explore in the future.
WORKING OUT
We are now at habit number 7 of the 13 habits that've changed my life drastically. Earlier I wrote that sleeping early was the hardest thing for me to do. But I think working out is tied for the number one spot with sleeping. Sometimes I wake up early stare at my ceiling, imagine myself working out but not move a single muscle. The first time, I actually got myself out of bed to workout was because of a man called David Goggins. I am like cotton candy compared to him. That man is so tough it's actually scary. And he swears quite a lot. But he gets the job done. I listened to him over at Motivation Madness on YouTube and that got me right out of bed. Here is a video for you:
I have gone through phases of insane workouts to couch potato a few times in my life. This had become a habit. That's a place of familiarity. So the challenge now isn't just to exercise four times a week. But its to make this a lifestyle. You know habit 2, asking myself why? This has been so instrumental and it is the reason I encourage you to read these as a whole. They feed into each other, and in isolation, they aren't the most effective (just like us but that's a story for another day. SMH). I have previously struggled with this because I made it about weight loss. I would exercise, lose weight then stop. This had become familiar for my brain. So I have to train my brain to work out for health not for weight loss.
EATING THE BEST FOOD AT THE BEST TIMES
Before we get to when and what we should be eating, it's important to understand your attitude towards food. I have had a bad relationship with food that extended to eating disorders and body image issues. So food to me was the enemy. And I would say things like, if I could not eat ever, I would never eat anything ever again. And you know how we create our realities with what we think. As a teenager, I remember reading an article about a famous presenter in South Africa who was super skinny. Back then I was obsessed with skinniness. She mentioned that she was lactose intolerant. And I remember just wishing that I was lactose intolerant because then perhaps I would be skinny too.
There was another girl in the little village that I grew up in in Botswana, who was super skinny too. And she too could not eat dairy products. So I desperately wanted to be lactose intolerant. Skip to ten years later, I am milk protein intolerant, which means even if you removed the lactose from the milk, I still can't have it. One might say it's a coincidence. Another, a reality created through thoughts. You decide for yourself what you think. But your relationship towards food is important.
If you grew up with food as a scarce commodity, you might be gluttonous. If someone made fun of how much you eat, you might be a secret eater. I am not a therapist but I do know that overeating, under eating, eating the wrong things etc is closely linked with previous experiences. So before you start yet another diet that you are going to fail miserably at, ask yourself why? Why do you want to eat healthy? And be honest with yourself.
What works for me
Because of IBS I really can't mess around in this area because there will be hell to pay. What I have started doing is setting meal times, 9, 12, 3 and 6. This ensures that I eat smaller meals regularly instead of stuffing myself or skipping meals. I have stopped intermittent fasting because I realise that it triggers something in my brain that is akin to how I was before when I had the eating disorders. So:
- I have eliminated my least favourite junk foods like chocolate, sweets and cakes. But I still regularly allow myself crips because I love them. If I restricted myself too much it would feel like a diet and I would lose before I even started.
- The only animal products I eat at the moment are fish and eggs because I had an elevated LDL. But once that's sorted I might choose to be plant based for the sake of the environment and my health or include chicken in my diet.
- I eat at the set times as much as possible.
- If I want a good helping, I will not be shy about it. If I want a small one, I will ensure I eat at least the minimum required. I listen to my body and then act in its best interest.
- Being a social eater, not seeing people at the moment is actually helping my nutrition (and bank account).
- I carry lunch with me to work.
- Most of the food I eat, I cook. This is a great discipline because of my lack of warmth towards cooking.
P.S: These tips aren't to be copied and pasted. Listen to your body. Investigate your own attitudes, thoughts and experiences. And respond with what is best for your mind and body.
STOP MULTITASKING
From the fallacy of multitasking (( https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbestechcouncil/2020/01/31/the-fallacy-of-multitasking/#30e5b4386ba4)) to the illusion of multitasking (( https://som.yale.edu/blog/the-illusion-of-multitasking)), I will let you decide what you think about it. But I have found that multitasking reduces my productivity, output and quality of life in general. For example, eating and reading at the same time, you can't fully immerse yourself in either one. Being on your phone at work etc. Doing two big things at the same time will especially be a disaster. So I do one thing at a time. But this is another one of the 13 habits that've changed my life drastically that I find challenging. I am so accustomed to half-arsing things that it's fairly difficult to concentrate. Multitasking is my default so I have a ways to go with this one.
NOT EATING IN MY ROOM
Maybe you are thinking I am not a pig like you Lorraine. But yeah, less than a week ago I was continually eating in my room. So by the end of the week I would have a collection of dirty dishes on my desk, in my room. Maybe you are also thinking, how does this qualify as one of the 13 habits that've changed your life drastically? Well my friends, a cluttered room made for a hard place to live in. Then maybe you think, you could still eat in your room and then take the dishes to the sink. But why not just stay in the dining area or kitchen eat there and then wash your dishes straight after. I think for me it's a discipline thing.
Again as a whole, you see how this makes sense. If you are eating in your room you are probably multitasking and not getting the best out of each individual activity. Keeping your room clean then becomes difficult because crumbs go everywhere. Stains become breeding ground for bacteria. So if I am hungry, I go to the kitchen. I make food, eat it in the dining room, clean up and then go back to my room. It's important to have a system. Which leads us to number 11 of the 13 habits that have changed my life drastically! We are almost there guys!!
HAVING A SYSTEM
This is one to think about so it can really sink in. Think about all the successful things in life and you will find that what they all have in common is a system. I am one of the minorities here when I say I genuinely enjoyed school and university because there was a system. The university I enjoyed the least was one with a weak system. And by system I don't mean rules and regulations. I mean clear, communicated way of bringing out the brilliance in you. Ways of sustaining you and optimising your potential. Because the truth is we all have potential. Someone telling you you have potential is not a compliment, it's a fact. But there is a step each one of us has to take in order to fulfil that potential.
Look at the photos below, think about all the systems that make these successful. What's your system for living your best life?
KEEPING A GRATITUDE JOURNAL
Gratitude turns what we have into enough
Melody Beattie
This is our penultimate habit in the 13 habits that've changed my life drastically. Seems a small and unnecessary task but gratitude is everything. Without it, life feels too bleak. I believe that at any given point in time, there are at least a 100 things to be grateful for. We have become accustomed to the privileges of our lives, the luxuries and simplicity of them that we take it for-granted. For example, here is a list of things to be grateful for in the first hour of waking up:
- I am grateful to wake up because the gift of life is precious.
- I get to wake up in a warm bed.
- If you are reading this post (most of my readers are in Europe and the USA), you are not in a war torn country so
- be grateful for safety
- show gratitude for food security and that your fridge is probably full to the brim. And if it's not full, you have the resources to fill it.
- you have internet connection so this isolation is not as lonely as it could have been
- There is running water in the house so I will have a warm shower, water to drink, cook and clean with
- I have a future, simple as.
Meditating will help you realise how much you have and then keeping a gratitude journal will help you be grateful.
MAKE YOUR BED
This little habit concludes our 13 habits that've changed my life drastically blog post. Jordan Peterson made this quite a popular notion. And it was after hearing about this that I started making my bed. There are lots of articles about this. Just Google 'why you should make your bed' and you will find many insightful resources. One of my favourites is this one: https://www.thespruce.com/reasons-to-make-your-bed-every-day-350511. I find that I am much calmer, more organised and more effective when I have made my bed. This then leads me to automatically assess the rest of my room. What is in place and what isn't. A clean room feels to me like a clean brain. So try it for a week and see.
A combination of all these habits will have you seeing results in less than a week. I know this because this has been my experience. I am not hypothesising, I am living the evidence. So why not get on board and try these out for yourself?
Thank you so much for getting to the bottom of the post! What habits in your life are keepers and what are must change? Get in touch and let me know how you are finding the process of change. Have a fantastic week!
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